Yeah, you read that right. I’m a married 20-something on the cusp of 2020, and I have been absent from social media for a year. I’ve had to think about who I really am and what really matters to me, and this is what I know: I believe that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, the words in the Bible are truth, and I stand on more conservative than liberal values. I’m an anxious, people-pleasing woman seeking approval from the world even though I know my worth is found in God alone, and I’m a teacher in a public school. In my short career, I’ve learned to be very careful with my words for fear of bringing politics or religion into the classroom. While I used to love writing and blogging, I’ve become crippled with fear of judgement because how I strive to live my life doesn’t align with modern American culture.
I don’t miss it.
I found out who my friends are.
Since graduating college, my life has been a whirlwind. Truth be told, I didn’t really have a plan for my life after college, and even if I did, college didn’t go as I planned it at 13-years-old so it wouldn’t have mattered anyways.
I live a very full life and God has blessed me with so much, but most days, I don’t see that. Most days, I only see the worst in my job, in my marriage, and in myself. I know that nothing in life will ever be perfect and I also know that I’m not the one making the plans; however, I used to believe that the good always outweighed the bad and although I don’t make the plans, I’ve learned that I do make the decisions every day.
I’ve hesitated to use this word to describe myself, especially publicly, because it’s something I’ve learned is so very real in our world today yet it’s also something that gets tossed around like it’s nothing so I don’t want to disrespect anyone whose struggles run deeper than mine. Ironically, there lies my problem in its entirety: comparison. My depression, I’ve discovered, is real to me and I have to do something to manage it.
At the end of this past semester, a semester that will go down in my story as a terrible nightmare with many lessons learned, my freshmen and I did a unit focused on the question, “What does it mean to be happy?” Our summative “make” was a commentary on happiness, and it broke my heart when several students confided in me that they don’t know how to write about happiness because their lives are too hard. So many of us, myself included, are right there with them.
When I was in high school, I wrote an opinion piece in the January 2012 issue of the school newspaper called “There’s More to Life Than Facebook” about why I deleted my first Facebook account in October of 2011. Even then I recognized the poison that social media can be if you let it; in fact, I wrote, “Our generation seems to be fueled by sympathetic comments made on negative posts.”
Today, my issue with social media runs deeper, although I still find that statement to be true when I scroll through my newsfeed. I see my own addiction manifesting in coveting people I don’t even know that look “good” on social media and posting myself in hopes of being just like them someday. I’m cringing even making this post because I don’t want sympathetic comments from anyone on this extremely negative post. I just want everyone to be aware of why they’ll no longer be seeing me online.
I made a new Facebook account (this one) when junior prom rolled around that same year I published the option piece because I wanted everyone to “like” my pictures. I guess 16-year-old me wasn’t as wise as she wanted to be.
The other social media revelation I feel is worth mentioning comes from when I was the VP of Risk Management for my sorority in the spring of 2016. I constantly saw all of my sisters breaking the rules and making poor choices on Snapchat but was never able to do anything to truly keep them accountable. It completely rocked my moral compass and reminded me why I despise social media. Yes, I have a problem with control, and yes, I know I can’t control the actions of others, but why constantly expose myself to something I don’t have to see? When I resigned from that position early, I deleted my first Snapchat account. This is when I truly learned to appreciate that ignorance is bliss. Unfortunately, I made a new Snapchat account around college graduation, but I’m proud to say I don’t use it much.
Here I am, over 10 years wiser than when I first began exploring the world of social media, and I find myself wholeheartedly agreeing with past selves that were wise beyond their years. Comparison on social media is the thief of MY joy. Besides the engagement and baby announcements, I don’t want to know half of what I see on social media because it never fails to make me feel some type of negative emotion, and 9 times out of 10 I find myself having to then deal with an issue in real life that wouldn’t have existed had there not been a post about it.
I’ll say it again, I’m not posting this to get sympathy or be challenged to change my mind. I just finished reading my favorite novel Fahrenheit 451 for the third or fourth time because I FINALLY get to teach it to start off second semester, and when I finished it, I knew God answered my prayer about whether or not I should delete all of my social media accounts to kick off 2019. If you want an explanation there, go read the book and then call me so we can have a real conversation about it.
Tonight at midnight, I will be hitting delete on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even my teacher Twitter (I have to practice what I preach). My goal for 2019 is to journal my experience being part of the few in my generation absent from social media and then decide if I’d like to rejoin the many for 2020.
Thanks for reading. Have a happy new year, everyone! I’ll see you in the real world 🌎❤️