Boy on the Run,
When I decided to stop chasing you that meant I had no more to say. But now that you’re in my past, there are a few things I’d like to tell you as someone who once cared for you very much.
I’m happier now without fueling the burning fire I had to make you mine, but that doesn’t mean I don’t entertain the “what if’s.” What if the timing was different? What if sooner I realized I didn’t deserve the way you treated me? What if you fought to make me yours?
You didn’t fight for me. You didn’t appreciate every attempt I made to know you. You didn’t care about knowing me, even though you do know me in a way that probably no one else ever will.
It’s sad you let me chase you the way I did, when all along you should have been the one pursuing me. Circumstances of our initial relationship aside, as I spent more time laughing and getting lost in words with you, my feelings overwhelmed me and blinded me to everything telling me to run as fast as I could.
It’s not enough for you to say that you’re sorry or tell me that you love me now, although I knew both of those facts very well with every step I took to get to you. I never did reach you completely… The walls you built were always too strong.
As I got to know you, I also got to know your demons, and as much as I wanted to scare them all away for you, that’s something only you can do for yourself. As I chased you, my heart broke to see you so helpless in battles only you know how to fight.
I don’t wish bad things on you or even regret the time I spent making you the center of my world. In every moment involving you, good and bad, I grew up a little more and decided the kind of person I want to be.
You’ve lost your chance to be with me, but I hope that you too can take to heart the lessons you’ve learned while running so that one day you might be someone that the girl you’re meant to be with deserves. I hope that you can grow up and face your life the way that I have.
Because of you, I know what I deserve, and it’s so much more than you could ever offer me.
The Girl Who Always Loved You