This post is the easiest one to write since Day 1. It’s time to be honest (and make up for not posting yesterday).
17 days ago, I changed drastically, all at once, because I didn’t want to face what was happening in my life. I thought I could focus all of the emotions I had into my relationship with God and I’d be okay.
And there was some truth to that. This challenge has reminded me who I really am, and it has soothed my soul. But I think I’ve come off as a bit of an obsessed, know-it-all, self-righteous Christian.
That’s not who I want to be, not at all.
I’m still a college student making mistakes every day. You were in college once. Some of you are there with me now. And a few of you are just about to begin. It’s hard and such a beautiful mess; you just can’t lose sight of who you are.
I’m not going to list off every way I’ve sinned the last 17 days because that’s between me and God. But I will say that it’s gone a lot farther than a slip up of a curse word when I don’t like the way someone else is driving.
I think the real challenge here is something I didn’t know when I decided to do this 17 days ago. The real challenge here is living for God, turning to Him when I mess up and sharing it with you so you know that I’m real. And so you can see how God’s grace and truth works. I’m no better than anyone else. I’m human. If anything, I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to be a good example in this blog.
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. If we claim we have not sinned, we make Him out to be a liar and His word is not in us,” says 1 John 1:8-10.
The people closest to me have noticed my changed heart more than anyone else. They’re so happy to see the Jessica that stole their heart x-amount of years ago find herself in me again.
But there’s a new part of me, too, and she’s not going anywhere. She’s strong and she’s bold in a way that me from the past never knew how to be.
So I guess the point I want to make sure is clear here is that I’m not turning my back on God, but I’m also not pretending like I’m not 18-years-old with a lot of life left to live (God willing). I have so many more mistakes to make and tears to cry, and I’ll get through it if I keep Jesus Christ as the love of my life.
Several posts back, I mentioned that I deleted the Twitter and Instagram apps from my phone for Lent. Well, with spring break next week, I want to keep in touch with everything my friends are doing. Isn’t the age of social media great?
My walk with God is just beginning, and besides my inevitable sin, I know one more thing is true: My mom told me that once you turn to God and He saves you, you can’t go back and you don’t want to.
I’m moving forward on my journey with an honest mouth, an open mind and a heart filled with grace and truth.