“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me,” says John 14:1, the daily verse for Day 2 of my 30 Day Challenge. Today is the perfect day to confess what my heart has been troubled with… And finally let it go.
Upon entering college, my life was plagued with partying. I didn’t try to stop it. I let it control and consume me. It was new and glamorous at first, something I had never been exposed to in high school, but it took me down a path that led me away from who I really was. I’m currently writing what I hope will be my first book: my testimony. In it, I go into detail about how troubled my heart really was after I graduated high school, and I illustrate the battle I fought in my mind with what God and the devil each wanted for me.
Spoiler alert: God won. He always does.
Today, March 5, 2014, I’m proud to say that I’m in a much better place than I was last semester, and I have my loved ones and the grace of the Lord to thank for that. I especially have Campus Crusade (Cru) at Mizzou to thank. Even when I was walking down the wrong path, they still sought after me and helped bring me back to Jesus. Without their support and prayers, I wouldn’t have seen a light through the darkness.
But I also have to admit that during this semester, I have continued to live a double life. I’m more dedicated and passionate about living my life for God and studying His word than I have ever been before, but I am still struggling to stay completely faithful to that way of life. Although it has been on a far less severe scale than last semester, going out on Fridays and Saturdays the way I have been recently still isn’t right if I want to be respected as a follower of Christ.
The partying stops now. The only fulfillment I need is in Jesus Christ. In Him, I am complete.
I also realized that I failed to explain what K-Love’s 30 Day Challenge is in my first post yesterday. K-Love challenges its listeners to only listen to Christian music for 30 Days and observe the positive impact it has on their lives.
This morning I woke up an hour early to spend time with God (this is also day 2 of that routine, which I learned from my mother), and I returned to my room soulfully content and also pleased to hear that my suitemate enjoyed reading my blog. I’ve received several sweet text messages from friends today as well. I’m so glad I took a chance by starting this blog.
The positive feedback I’ve received so far has been so encouraging – thank you all. I can see God at work through me with the people in my life, something He did even when I was walking down a poisoned path last semester, and I’m humbled to finally be giving my life fully to him by doing the 30 Day Challenge. That’s what it means to me; it’s my final surrender. I want to continue to be a beacon of light and inspiration to the people my life touches, and I want to do it with my whole being now. No more double life.
My decision to let go of my previous lifestyle could not have happened at a more perfect time because today was also Ash Wednesday, and I made many goals for myself over the next six weeks. The 30 Day Challenge is obviously one of them and so is my decision to stop partying (which will be permanent and far surpass the six weeks of Lent), but I also deleted the Twitter and Instagram apps from my phone and decided to stop using words that don’t glorify the Lord. The time I spend mindlessly scrolling through tweets and photos can be spent so much more productively, and I’m realizing that my words are a reflection of who I am and what I stand for.
Tonight, God used the kids I get the opportunity to babysit on a few Mondays and Fridays a month to show me who I am and what I stand for. I arrived at The Crossing (the church I attend in Columbia, Missouri) to babysit shortly after my Greek girls bible study finished, and I was thinking about what we talked about in bible study today. Many of the things I previously wrote about were covered in bible study, but in my time spent babysitting, one truth was reiterated: I can choose to be the strong, loving woman I want to be for my future husband, possible children of my own and the children I will teach starting at any time. I am that woman starting today.
I want everyone to know that I am a believer and I live my life for Jesus Christ. If you haven’t given any thought to what you might like to give up for Lent, I challenge you to do the 30 Day Challenge with me. You won’t regret it.